Wednesday, April 4

Lethargy

When I attended the kickoff meeting for the official 3 day event more than a month ago, I remember being warned that at some point during the course of our training and fundraising, we would be discouraged and want to give up. I scoffed and figured I was SO fired up and SO dedicated that I wouldn't have a problem with my desire.

Turns out I was wrong.

I'm a full month into training now, and the old problems I've had with my left knee has flared and invited my right knee to join the party. I'm walking 18 miles this week-3 miles on Monday, 4 miles on Wednesday, then 6 miles on Friday, followed by another 4 mile walk on Saturday. It's really the back-to-back walks that hurt me the most-those are the ones I aim to complete outside, which means I've started rising well before dawn Friday and Saturday mornings to lace up my Susan G. Komen sneakers and walk the dark streets.

This week has been particularly distressing. I've felt lethargic, achy, worn down, disoriented, and confused the last couple days. I know I'm sleeping enough, I'm eating healthy, and I'm continuing to exercise regularly, but this week it has been so difficult. Last night I woke up half a dozen times because my arms were completely numb and leaden, and I was forced to move around and flex them to try to get them to get some feeling back before I could fall asleep. This afternoon I finally called the doctor because my gut is telling me something is 'off'. The receptionist asked me my address and phone number...both answers I should be able to give without hesitation, but I had to take a moment to really consider both questions before I could rattle off the appropriate sequence of numbers.

I'm sure my family would love me to add that I've also been extremely irritable. Poor kids. Poor husband.

All in all, I'm feeling incredibly discouraged. I quickly discovered that training wouldn't be easy, but I didn't expect it to be this HARD. It's still only walking. I'm a healthy, physically active YOUNG woman who should be able to stand up to this kind of physical exertion, but I'm really struggling. My fundraising isn't doing as well as I had hoped it would be doing, and I'm feeling very defeated.

Tomorrow morning I'm going to see the doctor, and even if he has no answers for me I'm really praying I get my mojo back. I've never been the type of woman to back away from a challenge, but retreat is a tempting possibility in this moment.

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