Last night I had trouble with my Internet, and couldn't log onto my blog. I could access my homepage, but go no further. In desperate need to write, I wrote my post into Word Pad, and had half formed plans to post it this morning. In the light of dawn, I changed my mind. It was dark, even darker than my normal dark posts, and scary in a way I'm not quite ready to share. In fact, Jeremy must have closed it for me, because now it's gone. Anyway, I am trying to be more in tune with my moods, and I have felt a dark period coming on for a few days now. As much as I would like to be able to fight it off and not experience it, I don't think it's possible. I've never been one to 'give in' to my darker emotions, but since Ammon died I haven't been able to fight it off as well. If I'm absent for a while, I'm busy trying to stay away from large doses of sleeping pills and hiding my butcher block. Please continue to keep us in your prayers as the fog of grief continues to lift.
I miss the look of surrender in your eyes
The way your soft brown hair would fall
I miss the power of your kiss when we made love
But baby most of all
I miss my friend
The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again
And let the light back in
I miss my friend
I miss the colors that you brought into my life
Your golden smile, those blue-green eyes
I miss your gentle voice in lonely times like now
Saying it'll be alright
I miss my friend
The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again
And let the light back in
I miss my friend
I miss those times
I miss those nights
I even miss the silly fights
The making up
The morning talks
And those late afternoon walks
I miss my friend
The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with
5 comments:
Victoria,
If you ever need someone to talk to please call me, 435-723-7053. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers
Debbie
Victoria,
I guess you can call me a lurker, I have found your blog through others that I have found by happenstance. I must say that you are living my greatest fear and I am sorry that you have to. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain that you are going through but you are so strong. You are caring for your children just the way that your husband knew you would. I wish we could have met under different circumstances but had it not been for your circumstances I would have never come to know who you are. If you ever need to vent to someone who can be neutral cause I know sometimes it is just easier to do that let me know. Continue being faith filled and know that He knows the plans He has for you...
Michelle in Texas
MLBR1275@austin.rr.com
Victoria,
Your post is scaring me. Please call me and talk to me. I am here for you. You know the number. I hope that things will get easier someday but I really hope you don't go to extreme measures to find and end in your pain. I love you too much. Please call me. I know I haven't been the person you want to talk to but I will just listen if thats what you need.
Cindy
Praying for you. If you need to talk you know where to find me. Just let us know if we can do anything.
Did you write the poem? I'm glad you're venting in some way. I hope once you start school, you'll have things to busy you enough that you'll be too exhausted to spend much time thinking about Ammon. Working endlessly has helped me.
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