Jeremy's Birthday

Monday was my baby boys birthday. My first born, my eldest, my son. He turned 4 years old, which I am still having a really hard time digesting. I can't believe that he has been part of our life for four years. Sometimes, it seems like those years have been achingly, painfully drawn out, but most of the time those years have flown by with a speed that makes my head spin. I can recall with great clarity the day I took the pregnancy test, and saw the two lines. I wasn't expecting to be pregnant, we hadn't been trying to get pregnant, but nonetheless, I loved him instantly. I was also certain that first day that I would be having a boy. Two months into my pregnancy, I went to the store and couldn't resist buying a blue hat and bootie set that said "I love Daddy". Everybody made fun of me, said I was jinxing myself buying blue clothes before I had an ultrasound. I, however, didn't care. We never even discussed the possibility of choosing a girls name, and the ultrasound that I finally had in August at 20 weeks only proved what I knew from conception. I remember every day that I went overdue with him. 8 long, painful, horrifying days I carried him past his due date. I remember crying in my doctors office on the 7th day overdue, begging him to put me out of my misery. Little did I know what was in store for me: 12 hours with a vaginal suppository meant to stimulate contractions, and another 12 hours on pitocin, all of which caused me to dilate a mere 1 1/2 centimeters. When the decision was finally made to bring him into the world via cesarean section, I cared little for the method of delivery, and simply wanted to hold my son in my arms. When they placed him on my chest in the operating room for the first time, I could barely speak for the tears in my eyes and in my throat. He looked up at me with his enormous blue eyes, and a connection was made, a connection that has altered over the years, but only grown stronger. I am so grateful that he was sent to be part of my life, and will spend the rest of my life trying to nurture him into the man I know he can be. Some blessings simply can't be measured in words.