Today was hard. I wonder if Friday's are going to be hard forever, in a way. This is the first Friday that I've been truly alone since Ammon died, and it was tough. Friday's to me have always symbolized potential. The question on every body's mind on a Friday afternoon is "What are your plans for the weekend?" Back when I had a husband, my weeks revolved around what we were doing on the weekend. Two and a half glorious days without work, without obligation, without pressing need. The very best weekends were ones that we spent entirely together, with no structure or stress. My idea of a perfect Saturday is to wake early, then spend the morning making pancakes and watching TV. Later in the day, perhaps errands. Maybe a walk outside with the family, and then firing up the grill for dinner. After the kids are tucked lovingly into bed, card games in front of a movie with the man of my dreams. We spent countless Saturday's just like this. No, Friday is just another day without Ammon. It's another day that I have nothing to look forward to, nothing to break up the monotony, and the loss of so much to mourn.
Yeah, today was hard.
2 comments:
Yeah...that didn't sound pitiful at all. I guess after all you have been through the last month you deserve a little bit of a pity party.
As for having nothing to look forward to...you have three beautiful children who are filled with promise, a Father-in-Heaven who love and watches out for you and a family who would do anything to see you happy again. Nothing? I don't think so. It will take some time to get back to continuing your life and all it has in store for you but never think that you are alone or that there is nothing out there. Time heals everything if we allow it to and it will take care of you. Your Father-in-heaven has a plan for you and all will be revealed in time. Until then, focus on the small things that have potential to make you happy such as the beautiful smile of your little girl and the fact that your youngest son has his father's eyes.
You are a strong woman with unlimited potential and you will get through this.
I'm sorry you had a rough day.
It sounds like you had a good Saturday though. :) I love watching my kids snarf down food I make like little piggies. It's cute...for now anyway. ;)
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