Optimism

Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's the freedom of days mostly unfettered by 'have to do' lists, but populated heavily with lists of 'could do', or 'want to do'. Maybe it's that Brooklyn has started napping consistenty, and I feel as though I'm hitting my stride as a single mother. Of course, maybe it's something else entirely. Whatever the reason, I'm feeling optimistic again. The sunshine looks brighter than it used to, and I feel more capable than I have in nearly three months. I was officially accepted into the university of Cincinnati yesterday, and have very few roadblocks between my current state and being a full-time student. I'm starting to get excited about all the new opportunities a good education can offer, and about the wide open vista of my life. I still miss Ammon--I miss him with a tender ache that I know I will never fully relinquish. However, I'm finally starting to achieve a sense of freedom that I have been lacking. As happy as I was with my previous life, and as much as I would love to be able to turn back the hands of time, my future is still unwritten. I can choose from any number of directions, and I am solely responsible for the direction I go. Who knows where the next year will take me? This time in 2009, will I even still be living in Cincinnati, or will I be somewhere else entirely? Will I have met somebody else to share my life with? Will I still be single and striving to heal my wounded heart? I don't know. The point is, though, that I'm open to the journey. I look behind me and see pain and heartache, but I also see a life full of joy, love, and happiness. I look ahead of me and choose to see more of the same.