Today my little girl turns 1 year old.
In fact, as of about 6 minutes ago as I write this, she officially made her entrance into this world. At this precise moment exactly one year ago, she crying lustily, and I was sobbing quietly on the operating table. Ammon was busily snapping pictures and taking videos of her, and the mood in the room was completely indescribable.
I can't believe she's a year old. So much has happened in the last year. She's gone from being a completely helpless mewling infant to a baby with a distinct personality and a charming disposition. She is on the verge of so many things- walking, talking, and playing more with her brothers. She is truly a joy to have in our home. I can't help but recall the days and hours leading up to her birth--my trip to the hospital a week before she was born, when I was so terrified that she would be born early and have problems as a result. I knew in my heart at that point that she was destined to be tiny, but I had no idea exactly how small she would be. She tips the scales at a mere 16 pounds today, and everybody marvels at her tiny size everywhere we go. I remember in the hospital on the day of her birth, how impatiently I waited for them to bring her to me. It was an extremely busy day on the Labor and Delivery floor, and the nursery was backed up. They were required to perform some basic testing on her before they could release her to my care, and it took about 3 hours. I was restless and impatient, since I hadn't had the chance to hold her in the delivery room. Ammon went with her to the nursery originally, but had quickly returned to my side when it became apparent that it was going to be a lengthy wait. As I lay half-awake and half-asleep in recovery, he kept a vigilant eye on the hallway, waiting for our daughter to join us. I asked repeatedly where she was, and by the time they had transferred me to my post-partum room, he was getting ready to march to the nursery himself and bring her to me. Thankfully, it was at that moment the nurse finally wheeled her isolette into my hospital room. Ammon picked her up and placed her in my arms, and the joy on my face transmits through the photos he quickly snapped.
The last year has brought many changes, not all of them welcome. our move to Cincinnati brought us some much-needed Independence, and we enjoyed 4 1/2 months of perfection before Ammon was prematurely ripped from our lives. The boys have both enjoyed the title of 'big brother', and Kadon especially has taken a tender approach toward the smallest member of our family.
In her blessing, Ammon blessed her with a 'peace-making spirit', and said that she would bring 'light and hope to the lives of those she touched'. That has held true in my life. Since his death, she has continued to be a light in my life. Her milestones-first tooth, first time sitting up, crawling, and her first steps all came without the watchful eyes of her father. This milestone-the milestone of her birth-brings along with it another milestone, one that is infinitely more painful, and one that I'm sure nobody else has thought of. This week also marks the 6 month anniversary of Ammon's death, and with her first birthday, it means that my little girl has officially spent half her life without her father. Such a little girl for such a big loss.
Today I am trying to focus on the good, on the light and the hope that Brooklyn has brought into my life. We celebrate her birth and her addition into our family with happy hearts, and when the family gathers for a celebration in her honor tomorrow, I'm sure it will be with much joy and laughter. Underneath it all, though, I will carry with me the memory of her father, who never lived long enough to see his precious only daughter reach so many milestones in her life. This birthday is just the first of many.
In fact, as of about 6 minutes ago as I write this, she officially made her entrance into this world. At this precise moment exactly one year ago, she crying lustily, and I was sobbing quietly on the operating table. Ammon was busily snapping pictures and taking videos of her, and the mood in the room was completely indescribable.
I can't believe she's a year old. So much has happened in the last year. She's gone from being a completely helpless mewling infant to a baby with a distinct personality and a charming disposition. She is on the verge of so many things- walking, talking, and playing more with her brothers. She is truly a joy to have in our home. I can't help but recall the days and hours leading up to her birth--my trip to the hospital a week before she was born, when I was so terrified that she would be born early and have problems as a result. I knew in my heart at that point that she was destined to be tiny, but I had no idea exactly how small she would be. She tips the scales at a mere 16 pounds today, and everybody marvels at her tiny size everywhere we go. I remember in the hospital on the day of her birth, how impatiently I waited for them to bring her to me. It was an extremely busy day on the Labor and Delivery floor, and the nursery was backed up. They were required to perform some basic testing on her before they could release her to my care, and it took about 3 hours. I was restless and impatient, since I hadn't had the chance to hold her in the delivery room. Ammon went with her to the nursery originally, but had quickly returned to my side when it became apparent that it was going to be a lengthy wait. As I lay half-awake and half-asleep in recovery, he kept a vigilant eye on the hallway, waiting for our daughter to join us. I asked repeatedly where she was, and by the time they had transferred me to my post-partum room, he was getting ready to march to the nursery himself and bring her to me. Thankfully, it was at that moment the nurse finally wheeled her isolette into my hospital room. Ammon picked her up and placed her in my arms, and the joy on my face transmits through the photos he quickly snapped.
The last year has brought many changes, not all of them welcome. our move to Cincinnati brought us some much-needed Independence, and we enjoyed 4 1/2 months of perfection before Ammon was prematurely ripped from our lives. The boys have both enjoyed the title of 'big brother', and Kadon especially has taken a tender approach toward the smallest member of our family.
In her blessing, Ammon blessed her with a 'peace-making spirit', and said that she would bring 'light and hope to the lives of those she touched'. That has held true in my life. Since his death, she has continued to be a light in my life. Her milestones-first tooth, first time sitting up, crawling, and her first steps all came without the watchful eyes of her father. This milestone-the milestone of her birth-brings along with it another milestone, one that is infinitely more painful, and one that I'm sure nobody else has thought of. This week also marks the 6 month anniversary of Ammon's death, and with her first birthday, it means that my little girl has officially spent half her life without her father. Such a little girl for such a big loss.
Today I am trying to focus on the good, on the light and the hope that Brooklyn has brought into my life. We celebrate her birth and her addition into our family with happy hearts, and when the family gathers for a celebration in her honor tomorrow, I'm sure it will be with much joy and laughter. Underneath it all, though, I will carry with me the memory of her father, who never lived long enough to see his precious only daughter reach so many milestones in her life. This birthday is just the first of many.
3 comments:
Happy birthday, Brooklyn!
(((HUGS))) to you all.
Wow, it is hard to believe she is already one!
Where's the cake photo?! That was great! The mushing and the sharing... And for the record, you aren't the only one that realized that this was coming right before the six month date. I just don't think that there's anything more to say, it still sucks and I'm still sad and blah blah blah... And we still wish that there was more we could do. Anyway, Enjoy all that left over food! I'm going to see if I can get to the Drs. ~ Ang
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