Contacts

I got contact lenses today. It's actually a pretty cheap expenditure for me, because with my prescription I only need a contact in my left eye. I also don't need a strong prescription in the one eye, so the lenses I wear are among the cheapest and most plentiful to be found. Essentially--it costs me half or less than half of what it costs most people to wear contact lenses, so I decided I could justify the cost. This morning my Mom and I got Jeremy on the bus, dropped Kadon off at pre-school, and ventured to Wal-Mart. My Mom picked up the few things we needed at the store, and I went to my appointment. It took a while for me to get the hang of intentionally jabbing my finger into my eye and pinching the lens off my eyeball, but once I had done it a couple times I was feeling much more confident. At this point the soft lens has been in my eye for about 3 hours, and I'm getting about ready to take it out for the day. The recommended schedule suggests increasing the length of time I wear the lens by an hour or two everyday, so that at the end of a week I will be able to wear it all day. So far I have enjoyed not having my pesky glasses on my face, and once I master the insertion and removal of the lens, I think I'll be in heaven.

Aside from that, I received an unexpected call this afternoon. I was preparing lunch for Jeremy and I when the phone rang. On the other line a business-like woman was requesting to speak to Ammon. I took a deep breathe and answered "He's not here right now. Can I ask who's calling?" She then asked "Is there a spouse I can speak to?" I said "This is his wife, can I ask who is calling?" She went on to inform me that she was calling with a question from my credit card, and I had no choice but to inform her that Ammon is deceased. I had withheld this information from the credit card company, fearing that they would cancel my card--which is exactly what they did. I was told that I cannot be held liable for the debt, but I won't believe it until I see it in writing. Mainly, I'm feeling apprehensive about suddenly being without that safety net. I know that I can apply for a card in my own name, but over the years, most of our credit accounts have been in Ammon's name. I have very little credit established in my own name, and as such won't be able to secure a large limit for any card for myself. I'm nervous about being without a decent amount of credit to my name, but can't change the reality at this point. It's simply yet another reminder that my life will never be the same without Ammon around to take care of me. In the next few days I will be sending out another copy of his death certificate to close this credit account, and I will have severed another part of our history together.

I hate being a widow.