Old Friends

After I finished my midterm last night, I dragged myself upstairs to attend to the functions of getting ready for bed. I took out my contact, washed my face, and brushed my teeth while contemplating my to-do list for today. I breathed a deep sigh of relief at the completion of my Psychology test, and knelt at the side of my bed to say prayers before crawling in and going to sleep. Abruptly, an old friend came into my mind. Somebody I have thought of often over the last several months, but haven't spoken to at all. In fact, I had no reason to believe that he ever even wanted to hear from me again. We had a falling out months ago, and though I have thought of him many times over the summer, I was hesitant to contact him for fear that there was still hard feelings lingering over our misunderstanding. I shook my head to clear my thoughts, and tried to attend to the task at hand.

I finished my prayer, and crawled gratefully into bed. As I lay still, trying to surrendering myself to the darkness and oblivion of sleep, this old friend continued to enter into my mind. The phone on my nightstand almost began to glow in the dark, and it quickly became apparent I would get no relief for the night until I at least tried to call him. I picked up the phone, turned on the light, and sat up in bed. For at least 10 minutes I stared at the phone in my hand and tried to convince myself that calling him was a bad idea. I tried to convince myself that it wasn't a prompting I was feeling, and simply a curiosity that I needed to work to suppress.

It didn't work.

Nervously, I dialed the number from my speed dial. I had a brief message composed in my head, positive that he wouldn't pick up and I would leave it on his answering machine, thereby relieving me of this strange urge to contact him. When he answered, I was shocked and pleased to hear the sound of his voice. He was happy to hear from me, and we spent hours catching up. This morning, I'm glad that I listened to the prompting last night, and heeded the urging to bring an old friend back into my life.

For the last few weeks I have been feeling more and more settled. I have felt more hopeful and peaceful about both my past, and the future that is still in store. I have begun to entertain the notion of dating, and have spent a great deal of time thinking about what kind of person I would want to involve myself with for the rest of my mortal life. I don't know if this friend is 'the one' for me. It's premature to be considering that of anybody, when I'm only sticking my tiniest little toe into the great pool of possibility. It's an adventure I am somewhat looking forward too, though. I know that it won't erase the sting of missing Ammon, or the ache of not having the kid's loving father in their lives. I do hope, however, that once I reach a point where I am even more healed than I am now, that a man will enter our lives that can attempt to fill in some of that void. He'll never take the place of Ammon, and the kind of man I will get involved with won't even try. Even so, there is no doubt in my mind that I should try to find somebody to love, and somebody to love us.

Here's to Chapter 2.