Last Night

The kids and I missed you last night, Babe. I took the kids to the ward trunk-or-treat, and I couldn't help but think about all the other Halloween's we've experienced together. Remember our first Halloween as a couple? We were sitting at home in our first apartment together, and getting a shockingly small amount of visitors. It was just a few months after my brother Jeremy died, and I was still really struggling. We had recently been talking about going back to church and trying to get to the temple, and that night a member of the bishopric called and asked if we would be willing to meet with them.

The next year, we were in the house that ended up costing us our credit history to this day. I found a Nun costume at Wal-Mart for myself, and after we whipped up some quick accessories and unearthed your old holocaust robe, we made the perfect monk and nun.
Remember when I ran over you with the car? Granted, you shouldn't have been laying on top of it when I hit the gas, but it made a good joke at the Halloween party that year. I dressed as the psychotic convertible Christine, and you as my hapless victim.

The year that Jeremy was almost 10 months old, and we dressed him as a bug for the holiday. He took his first steps the week of Halloween, and when we took him to the trunk-or-treat with my friend Meagon, we took great joy in showing off some of his first steps. We didn't actually do any trick-or-treating that year, because Jeremy was too small.

The year after that, I was pregnant with Kadon and Jeremy dressed up as Mike Wazowski from Monster's Inc. That year we decided Jeremy was still too little to go out door to door, but we got together with some friends of ours who had children of similar ages. We staged trick-or-treating at your parents house in Logan, and recruited the parents of the kids we invited to stand inside all the bedrooms and hand out candy as we brought each kid around. I don't know who had more fun, the kids or the adults! I also remember how cute Jeremy was and how often he wore that costume in the months afterwards, even to a showing of Disney on Ice that your parents took him to the weekend before Kadon was born.

The next year, it was Kadon who was the baby. I have a photo of you on the couch with the boys, in your football themed gear. Remember how excited you were for Kadon to be a football? We took him to a costume contest at the Cache Valley Mall, and he won for his age group. You chalked it up to your Moms expertise with a sewing machine, and we enjoyed getting our family picture taken as Kadon's prize from the contest. Remember those football pads your Mom made for Jeremy? You were so disappointed when we finally had to put them away.

The year following the football success, Jeremy was an army guy and Kadon borrowed a clown costume from a friend. I don't know what I was thinking, but I completely forgot to take pictures that year. We took the kids to the trunk-or-treat at our church, and to a couple close friends houses. We had such a ball, but it was freezing!

Last year, Brooklyn was only three weeks old for Halloween. I had vowed never again to buy a lame store bought costume, and your Mom and I spent a couple of long days after she was born putting a Merlin and King Arthur costume together for the boys. We attended the trunk-or-treat at the tiny Dayton branch, and you judged the chili contest. Remember how I was slightly miffed that I didn't win? I know it was the right choice, but it still stung a little bit. You had so much fun carrying Brooklyn around and showing her off, and after dinner you took the boys around to the cars while I stood at our van and handed out candy.

For Kadon's Merlin costume, he needed a wand. You went outside and found a length of wood, and painstakingly carved it to resemble a wand. It looked like a walking stick to me, but he had a good time with it, and you loved making it for him.

On the night set aside in Dayton for door to door trick-or-treating, you came home from work a little bit early and we took the kids over to Angela's house. We didn't bother dressing Brooklyn up (nothing would have fit her anyway! Remember how tiny she was?!) and I sat at the house with Angela and snuggled with her while you took the boys out in her neighborhood.

Last night wasn't the same, babe. I got the kids dressed up, this time the boys chose the costume of a police officer and a mailman. I had quite a time finding the appropriate accessories for each of them, but got lucky the day of the ward trunk-or-treat with Kadon's costume. Brooklyn had the only hand sewn costume of the night--a flower. Your Mom helped, as always, and she was adorable. This year, it was me carrying her around the church building while everybody admired her. This year, Janelle took the boys from car to car while I stood at our van with Brooklyn and passed out candy. We missed you, and it was more poignant last night. You would have had such a good time at the party, and enjoyed an evening to socialize with friends. Are we ever going to be able to celebrate holidays without missing you with a fierce ache?